Facebook. Sorry kids! It’s an ‘adult’ thing now

One of the children I minister to as children’s pastor turned 10 Saturday. (Happy birthday to her!)

Her birthday wish list: An I-phone and a Facebook page. Her mom, last Wednesday when I talked to both, had withheld whether or not either – or both – would be granted.

Still not sure how the I-phone turned out, but the mystery of the latter was solved when the big day came around. I received a request via computer: “________ wants to be friends on Facebook.” I responded accordingly “confirm” (which means “yes,” just in case you don’t know).

Now before you say it, I know. You’re supposed to be at least 13 to have a Facebook account. That’s why I left her name off. She’s a sweet child. I don’t want anybody to giving her grief. And as already stated, I know her mom. We’re all familiar with Big Brother. Well, welcome Big Mom. Big Mom has eyes everywhere! I’m confident she’ll handle matters – security, propriety etc – accordingly. (P.S. big in “stature,” not “size,” … left unsaid, that could get me in trouble.)

Aside from that, I really don’t think Facebook cares. I minister to approximately 100 children in all. Of those, I would say at least 80 to 90 percent have Facebook pages. Some of them are doctors. Some are lawyers. Some are Indian chiefs. Some are liars in other words – not only lying about their age, but about who they are. Why I’ve never seen so many 10-12-year-olds attending – or graduated from – the University of Georgia in my life! Heavens to Betsy!

I say that tongue-in-cheek now, but this used to be a very, very big concern of mine. Understatement. An enormous concern! I used to preach it – being honest and truthful and walking upright, etc – often!

I’m not so much worried about it anymore.

You see, she’ll learn. Just like the rest of them have. It’s this new truth. Listen carefully kids: “Facebook is ours now! That’s right. Us. The adults. The over-30s with receding hairlines (or ‘receded’ in my case) and expanding waistlines and lots of you running around – even grandkids – and minivans and a flirty pat on mom’s behind as she and I cross paths in the hallway (some kid’s probably getting sick right about now, but do we care) and shopping for items that might help improve our regularity (I think I’m getting sick now).

“It’s ours now! Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. (Mad scientist laugh.) Facebook is ours and you can’t have it back. We like it and that means ultimately you won’t. That’s just how it is in your world. We like it. You hate it. We hate it. You like it. Deal with it. It’s ours. And the irony of it all: we probably got hooked on it while setting up accounts and trying to watch out for you.”

No matter. Kids never knew its full potential anyway. We do. The unlimited opportunities! The power! (Another mad scientist laugh.) They used it for such trivial things as: “Oh, Sally likes Billy,” or “Johnny has a crush on Betty.” Ha. Ha. What a waste. Not us. We’ve got it down to a science. (Yet one more mad scientist laugh.)

We’re into Words With Friends and Bake Shop Drop and Jelly Splash and Slotomania and Cafe World and Mafia Wars and Bejeweled Blitz and Farmville (the original and 2) Pet Ville and Fish Ville and Cruella de Ville (made that one up). (Note: Those are just a small sampling of the ones currently sitting in my Facebook “Notifications” folder – people inviting me to play.) It’s a matter of life or death in some cases … especially when somebody sends you a request in Candy Crush and you can get … well, more “life.”

Not to mention all those dozens upon dozens upon dozens of pictures/graphics that are posted – from people to puppies – with sayings on them. There are the tender moments (postings): “No relationship is all sunshine, but two people can share one umbrella and survive the storm together.” The moments of candor: “The one who raises a child is called a father. Not the one who helped make it.” And the witty moments: “Disease: IDIOTITIS. Causes the brain to shut down and the mouth to keep talking. Thousands affected. Might be contagious. Best defense: slap and run.”

And I haven’t even touched on the educational aspect. Why, just a few postings ago someone put up this link: “The color of pee. What your urine reveals about you?”

“See kids? Facebook is our playground now. You guys. You gals. Find something else to do. In fact, why don’t you try going outside to play for a change. No, really! Go outside and play. We’ll take pictures. We’ll put them on Facebook.”