Banned for Life

My being “banned for life” by Facebook didn’t stick. But why was I banned for life? Inquiring minds want to know.

My Facebook mayhem started on November 5, when I was sojourning along the Gulf Coast with my brother Mike. We were joyriding, having no particular destination in mind nor a time to be there. On that date, I could not log on to my Facebook account, but I was in parts of Louisiana where they still measure time with a sundial, so the lack of connectivity was not concerning. On November 6, I had the same inability to access my Facebook, but I really didn’t care. In fact, until November 9, it just didn’t concern me at all that I could not get into my account. 

But then I got the message: “Your Facebook account is permanently deleted. Access to your account is prohibited. You are banned for life from Facebook. Do not try to access Facebook again. There is no appeal.” All that is paraphrased from my memory bank as the message disappeared, never to be seen again.

But the message was correct. My Facebook account was gone. Further, Meta makes it hard to contact them. There is no apparent email, telephone number, or chat box for a disgruntled customer. Think about it. You are Mark Zuckerberg; do you really want people to be able to complain to you? Now, if one has an account, there are means to complain within one’s account, but I found it impossible to reach anyone without an account. What is a disgruntled HHJ columnist to do? Well, it helps to be a lawyer. I sued them.

I didn’t ask for a million dollars. I actually asked for a mere $75,000. The suit complained that I had not violated their community standards and had never been warned or placed in the infamous Facebook Jail for doing anything when I was suddenly banned for life. I asserted that I had property rights that deserved compensation for the wrongful taking that Meta Platforms (the parent company of Facebook) had done to me. 

Look, a deep dive into some of my posts would offend almost anyone. My kids rolled their eyes at my tattoo column. My wife snorts out loud at my child-rearing posts. My pastor thinks my passion for rock’n’roll is misplaced. The local LBTQG+++ chapter gripes about my trans columns. Local politicians complain about my posts all the time. Democrats? Don’t get me started. I’m an equal-opportunity offender. But Facebook had never complained about any of my taunts. 

Emails and phone calls got nowhere, but the lawsuit got through. The attorney representing Meta was very cordial and asked if the end goal was to get my account back. I said it was, but that I’d like to know why I was banned. The attorney opined that why I was banned would likely never be known but that it was probably possible to restore my account. I told her that would resolve the matter, and sure enough, my deleted Facebook account was restored. 

There is a way, allegedly, to download your entire Facebook account. As of this date, it has yet to work for me. Further, I communicate with thousands of people through Facebook, which is hard to replicate elsewhere. But Facebook is a private company and can generally do what they want. But the failure to account for why a computer suddenly deletes a customer’s account has consequences. Can you imagine a bank doing that? 

“Mr. Burke, your account is blocked. We are keeping your $33.50 bank balance. There is no appeal.” Or, how about if your doctor suddenly deleted your account and destroyed all your records? So, there are consequences for actions. In this case, I simply wanted my account back. 

I proclaim victory, although I’ll never know why I got banned in the first place.

Kelly Burke, attorney, former district attorney, and magistrate judge, writes about the law, rock’n’roll, politics, and anything that strikes him. Contact Kelly at dakellyburke@gmail.com to comment on this article or suggest articles you’d like to see, and visit his website at www.kellyrburke.com to view prior columns.

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